Authors Offer Holiday Tips For Liberating Stepparents from ‘Brady Bunch’ Myths
Authors of award-winning new book about stepfamilies offer holiday tips for liberating stepfamilies from "Brady Bunch" myths. They also provide advice for surviving the first years as a stepfamily.
Portland, OR (PRWEB) November 15, 2004 -- Award-Winning New Book Aims To Help
Stepfamilies Survive The High-Risk First Years.
One out of every three
couples now brings a child to their marriage. And about half of all Americans
will at some point in their lives take part in stepfamily life.*
“Studies
show that stepfamilies face the highest levels of stress and are more likely to
split up during their early years,”** says William Merkel, Ph.D., a clinical
psychologist and co-author of the newly released book, "One Family, Two Family,
New Family: Stories And Advice For Stepfamilies," which is a 2004 Gold National
Parenting Publications Award winner.
“Expectations of a ‘Brady
Bunch’-style family where everyone has the same values and lifestyle can set
stepfamilies up for failure, especially during the first few years,” he says.
New stepfamilies often have these “Brady Bunch” expectations during the holiday
season, he adds. “Instead of trying to behave a certain way, stepfamilies need
to creatively and patiently create a life that suits their family
members.”
Seven years ago, Merkel and his life partner and co-author Lisa
Cohn were determined to weather the first tumultuous years of stepfamily life
when they made a commitment to each other. With their three children from
previous marriages, they formed what they now call the “Liberated
Stepfamily.”
“We want to liberate stepfamilies from the fantasy that they
have to act like traditional, first-marriage families where ‘all-for-one,
one-for-all’ is the mantra—especially during the holiday season,” says Cohn, a
writer whose work appears in national publications.
In their new book,
they recount their experiences trying to unite Cohn’s urban, messy,
health-food-centered lifestyle with Merkel’s suburban, tidy,
pizza-and-chocolate-flavored life.
Their efforts were fraught with
conflict, emotion and surprises. But they continually sought creative ways to
peacefully and respectfully co-exist, despite their different cultures and
values.
The result is anything but conventional. In their book, they
recount why they:
• Keep separate refrigerators and checkbooks
• Decorated
the Christmas tree with a “hers” side--hand-painted eggs and popcorn
strings--and a “his” side--multi-colored, blinking lights and sparkling orbs and
tinsel
• Established different TV rules for “his” kids and “her” kids
•
Invited their ex-spouses over for Christmas
Cohn and Merkel can share
their experiences forming their stepfamily with the hope of helping others going
through the same growing pains. They are available for interviews, as well as
Cohn’s son, Travis, (15), their “ours” child, Ally (6), and Cohn’s
ex-husband.
Cohn and Merkel advise adults creating a new stepfamily:
•
Clarify your role as stepparent: mom/dad, friend, aunt/uncle?
• Examine and
let go of your “traditional,” first-marriage expectations.
• Don’t push to
“blend” families—let it happen in its own time and let it take its own form.
• Master the art of silence. You don’t need to share all your negative
feelings.
• Make the superhuman effort to get along with your ex-spouse and
your new spouse’s ex.
• Once a week, create a “Love Bubble” with your spouse.
Don’t talk about kids.
• Stepdads: Follow Merkel’s example and never give up
on an unresponsive stepchild. Your efforts will be rewarded. ***
• Stepmoms:
Work hard to avoid the “Give-too-much-and-feel-resentful” trap, especially
during the holidays.
Lisa Cohn is an-award-winning writer whose stories
about stepfamilies have appeared in the Christian Science Monitor, Mothering,
Parenting, Brain, Child: The Magazine For Thinking Mothers, United Press
International, Portland Tribune, iparenting.com, Your Stepfamily and other
publications. Read her articles by visiting www.stepfamilyadvice.com.
William Merkel, Ph.D. is a
psychologist who teaches at Providence Portland Medical Center and has a private
practice. A former Associate Professor at Oregon Health Sciences University, he
is a Fellow in the American Academy of Clinical Psychology and an Approved
Supervisor in the American Association For Marriage and Family
Therapy.
"One Family, Two Family, New Family: Stories and Advice for
Stepfamilies" ( ISBN 1-883991749; list price $16.95) is published by RiverWood
Books. For more information, visit the authors’ website, www.stepfamilyadvice.com.
Statistics:
* From
Stepfamily Association of America
**About 60% of second marriages fail. Most
second marriages fail during the early years of stepfamily life. It takes five
to seven years for early tensions to abate in stepfamilies, according to three
studies by E. Mavis Hetherington and others conducted 1989-2000: The Virginia
Longitudinal Study of Divorce and Remarriage; The Hetherington and Clingempeel
Study of Divorce and Remarriage; and The National Study of Nonshared
Environment.
***Most stepfathers give up the struggle of connecting with
resisting stepchildren after two years, according to the three Hetherington
studies mentioned above.
Media Contacts:
Lisa Cohn,
co-author,
503-577-0504
e-mail protected from spam bots
Steve
Scholl, RiverWood Books
1-800-380-8286
e-mail protected from spam
bots
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Source : http://www.prweb.com/releases/2004/11/prweb177373.htm